Reminding myself today of the value of patience, and also of laughter.
Why take life so seriously?
At times I feel bad, but the thing to remember is that it doesn't last forever. Last night I was annoyed by a video I saw, and it made me think about a lot of stuff. Then I started thinking about good things I remember.
The truth is that simplicity is best. I'll be proactive about the things I can change and passive about the ones I can't.
It's better to let things air out rather than let them fester.
Ta da!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
llena, pues, de palabras mi locura
Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue.
At one point, I had to start crying. I'd have chosen to avoid it had it been avoidable, but feelings repressed do not disappear.
Call me what you will. An over-emotional thinker? Someone lost out in the world?
I can only feel as I'm programmed to feel and think as I'm programmed to think. Tell me to stop thinking, and you'll provoke a good day or two of the same in me.
Chilly nights in quiet streets watching people groggily shuffle by, walking over paths beaten down by centuries of history, that's where I want to be.
I want to look at the city in the distance. I want to re-live the bonfire from the last night in Germany, feel again that rush of fear and wonder as I discover something that was always mine, and have mud wars in a pond filled with worms that make the experience slightly gross.
I want to be who I am with the people who know and love that person. I want to learn more about those around me. I want to learn from my students, learn from my teachers, and learn from the bus driver who shouted at me last night.
I think I'll stop putting on neckties. What good are they anyway?
These are only blotches on a canvas.
Good night.
At one point, I had to start crying. I'd have chosen to avoid it had it been avoidable, but feelings repressed do not disappear.
Call me what you will. An over-emotional thinker? Someone lost out in the world?
I can only feel as I'm programmed to feel and think as I'm programmed to think. Tell me to stop thinking, and you'll provoke a good day or two of the same in me.
Chilly nights in quiet streets watching people groggily shuffle by, walking over paths beaten down by centuries of history, that's where I want to be.
I want to look at the city in the distance. I want to re-live the bonfire from the last night in Germany, feel again that rush of fear and wonder as I discover something that was always mine, and have mud wars in a pond filled with worms that make the experience slightly gross.
I want to be who I am with the people who know and love that person. I want to learn more about those around me. I want to learn from my students, learn from my teachers, and learn from the bus driver who shouted at me last night.
I think I'll stop putting on neckties. What good are they anyway?
These are only blotches on a canvas.
Good night.
Monday, March 28, 2011
I need to be outside...
It's one of those lovely spring days when I want to be barefoot in the grass. Unfortunately, Mexico City is mostly hostile toward barefoot enthusiasts and grass lovers. Sigh.
I cut a pair of jeans to make myself some shorts, pulled out the pair of sandals that I brought from Kentucky, and planned to go hang out and the dreaded "Ah es que ya no voy a poder" (Ah I'm not going to be able to) presented itself again. I hate cancelled plans. It really gets my blood boiling.
In other news, I am about to get a bunch of new classes. This is definitely something to be happy about.
This weekend I worked at my roommate's restaurant. He let me try "Mexican caviar" (escamoles...for those of you who know what I'm talking about). These are none other than ant eggs. They're prepared in like butter and garlic (I think) and served in tacos. I tried one, and though it was mostly edible, I began to realize that anything (including a pile of poo) might taste good if you mix it with the right ingredients.
The restaurant job was stressful, but also fun. Until my new classes start, I'll probably be working there a bit to keep myself sustained.
Other than that, I'm a very tired young man today. It has been a day that has both exceeded my expectations and disappointed me. Oh well, I've still got a smile on.
In fact, this song, which was popular when I first got here, has got me smiling again. Enjoy.
Love, always,
-Buster
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Goodbye Glory Days
Pensamientos que me agarran, que no me dejan ni un momento descansar...
I'm a glutton for learning. I'm fighting and hurting, and it's very tough at the moment. Why do I keep going?
I have to be honest. I won't lie anymore. I'm lost in my dreams. I refuse, refuse, refuse to give up on them. Every well-intentioned person who cares for me wants me to return to the comfort of the US.
Why can't I?
I don't know, but I can't. Who have I become in this time? Myself.
I'm seeing both the good and the bad. I am letting go of insecurities and searching for answers.
At the moment, the idea of the "world traveler" who knows what he's doing that some may have of me must be eliminated.
I'm just a person living life the way he sees fit.
Good day.
-Buster
I'm a glutton for learning. I'm fighting and hurting, and it's very tough at the moment. Why do I keep going?
I have to be honest. I won't lie anymore. I'm lost in my dreams. I refuse, refuse, refuse to give up on them. Every well-intentioned person who cares for me wants me to return to the comfort of the US.
Why can't I?
I don't know, but I can't. Who have I become in this time? Myself.
I'm seeing both the good and the bad. I am letting go of insecurities and searching for answers.
At the moment, the idea of the "world traveler" who knows what he's doing that some may have of me must be eliminated.
I'm just a person living life the way he sees fit.
Good day.
-Buster
Monday, March 21, 2011
Changes
I'm a little stressed, so I've been changing a lot of things. Besides that, I got hit on two times on the bus (today and a few weeks ago). It freaks me out, but I guess some brave souls are capable of doing that.
I'm still working on getting some classes organized. It's quite a non-productive time right now. I guess that chasing dreams takes a little more sacrifice than I've given so far.
Chin up, eyes forward.
-Buster
I'm still working on getting some classes organized. It's quite a non-productive time right now. I guess that chasing dreams takes a little more sacrifice than I've given so far.
Chin up, eyes forward.
-Buster
Friday, March 18, 2011
You Live, and You Learn...
...and every once in a while you learn something about the man in the mirror. Today I've come to see him in a slightly different, and altogether better, way.
Photo: *Imitation is the highest form of flattery*
Some friends from Matamoros came for a visit (shout-outs to Bitia and Eliud!), and we had a few good days together doing the typical Mexico City stuff. Through this trip I realized a lot about how different I've become.
The pyramids demonstrated that to me more than anything. Several months back I climbed them panting from the exertion and trembling from fear. This time they posed no threat to me. I went up with energy and a smile on my face, and came back down with a touch of fear but mostly a good feeling as I realized that those heights, at least, aren't quite as scary as they were to me before.
I like the person I'm becoming. I'm working on a new project, getting some private classes lined out (well, trying), teaching at a respected university, and enjoying the friends and "family" I have here.
Photo: *Brotherhood*
I realized something else about my life now. I'm happy because I did what I wanted to do. Before I worried about what society thought best. Not anymore.
College was only an incubation period. I was growing and developing so that I could step out into the world ready to face the challenges it would present me, and guess what! It worked.
I heard a teacher down here tell her students this: "Todos los esfuerzos valen la pena." EVERY EFFORT IS WORTH THE TROUBLE.
And I see it so clearly now. There have been days when I didn't have money and wasn't even sure how I'd get to work. There have been days when I felt like a total failure. There are nights when I can't sleep.
But here I am. I'm happy because this is my life. I've found myself. And things will only get better from here on.
Love, always,
-Buster
Photo: *It's believed that by standing at the top of the pyramid, in the dead center, the sun reaches you and energizes you. Here I am touching it again and getting my batteries charged back up :)*
Photo: *Imitation is the highest form of flattery*
Some friends from Matamoros came for a visit (shout-outs to Bitia and Eliud!), and we had a few good days together doing the typical Mexico City stuff. Through this trip I realized a lot about how different I've become.
The pyramids demonstrated that to me more than anything. Several months back I climbed them panting from the exertion and trembling from fear. This time they posed no threat to me. I went up with energy and a smile on my face, and came back down with a touch of fear but mostly a good feeling as I realized that those heights, at least, aren't quite as scary as they were to me before.
I like the person I'm becoming. I'm working on a new project, getting some private classes lined out (well, trying), teaching at a respected university, and enjoying the friends and "family" I have here.
Photo: *Brotherhood*
I realized something else about my life now. I'm happy because I did what I wanted to do. Before I worried about what society thought best. Not anymore.
College was only an incubation period. I was growing and developing so that I could step out into the world ready to face the challenges it would present me, and guess what! It worked.
I heard a teacher down here tell her students this: "Todos los esfuerzos valen la pena." EVERY EFFORT IS WORTH THE TROUBLE.
And I see it so clearly now. There have been days when I didn't have money and wasn't even sure how I'd get to work. There have been days when I felt like a total failure. There are nights when I can't sleep.
But here I am. I'm happy because this is my life. I've found myself. And things will only get better from here on.
Love, always,
-Buster
Photo: *It's believed that by standing at the top of the pyramid, in the dead center, the sun reaches you and energizes you. Here I am touching it again and getting my batteries charged back up :)*
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thank You
Tonight I settled down to a pepperoni pizza with hot sauce, a pepsi, and My Super Sweet Worldwide. (I think that's what it's called...?)
Often we watch those shows and feel like the parents are doing their children unthinkable harm. I have felt that way several times, and as this 21 year old British kid walks outside his manor to a lawn lit up by fireworks, I thought back to July 2006.
I had just come back from Germany. I was feeling a little weird to be back in the states, and one day, everyone I knew and cared about showed up on our lawn. It was the biggest party I could imagine.
The afternoon was filled with food, live music, and catching up. At dusk, everyone dragged a chair to the front yard, where a huge fireworks show lit up the night.
I look back at that moment and realize that, as children, we can be a joy to our parents, and I, guiltily, wonder if I am truly a joy to mine.
Living my life as it feels it should be lived has taken me all over the place, not just geographically. I have gone from ideology to ideology, from being an all-star student to barely scraping by, and now I live in Mexico City.
I know my parents love me and are proud of me, and I hope they know how much I love them. Things may have been rough the last few years, but I thank them for their love, their patience, and their understanding as I take the road less traveled. I thank them for their allowance to let me test the waters, to expand, and to learn.
I know that I wouldn't be who I am today without their love.
Thank you, Mom, for always having a lap where I can rest my head. Thank you for discerning when I am trying to hide my pain and letting me express it.
Thank you, Dad, for being a father who says, "I love you." Thank you for helping me through sticky situations and keeping me above the water.
Love, always,
-Buster
Often we watch those shows and feel like the parents are doing their children unthinkable harm. I have felt that way several times, and as this 21 year old British kid walks outside his manor to a lawn lit up by fireworks, I thought back to July 2006.
I had just come back from Germany. I was feeling a little weird to be back in the states, and one day, everyone I knew and cared about showed up on our lawn. It was the biggest party I could imagine.
The afternoon was filled with food, live music, and catching up. At dusk, everyone dragged a chair to the front yard, where a huge fireworks show lit up the night.
I look back at that moment and realize that, as children, we can be a joy to our parents, and I, guiltily, wonder if I am truly a joy to mine.
Living my life as it feels it should be lived has taken me all over the place, not just geographically. I have gone from ideology to ideology, from being an all-star student to barely scraping by, and now I live in Mexico City.
I know my parents love me and are proud of me, and I hope they know how much I love them. Things may have been rough the last few years, but I thank them for their love, their patience, and their understanding as I take the road less traveled. I thank them for their allowance to let me test the waters, to expand, and to learn.
I know that I wouldn't be who I am today without their love.
Thank you, Mom, for always having a lap where I can rest my head. Thank you for discerning when I am trying to hide my pain and letting me express it.
Thank you, Dad, for being a father who says, "I love you." Thank you for helping me through sticky situations and keeping me above the water.
Love, always,
-Buster
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Waiting on a New Schedule, Projects Begin Immediately
I've had a lot of free time lately. What have I been doing?
Catching up on sleep, checking out things that are close by (Tepotzotlán, la Condesa, etc), and wondering what to do next.
I find myself in a rather difficult position. I've already been accepted as a new teacher by two different schools. At this point I'm just waiting on them to send me the schedule for classes I'll be teaching, and that is now turning into a three week waiting game.
In the meantime, I'm looking into ways to get myself situated here. I'm sort of trapped in a bureaucratic nightmare when it comes to visas, permits, and trying to open a bank account, and now that I have time I'm doing what I can to get this mess organized.
If you'll kindly look back to the first few posts, you'll see that before I came to Mexico, I had dreams of learning Nahuatl, getting involved with humanitarian work, and making myself a better person all-around. While this has been on my mind, it was pushed to the back of my thoughts due to a never-ending work week. Now that I have time, I might as well establish some of these ideas.
Goals:
1) Learn Nahuatl
2) Begin the legwork for starting grad school
3) Begin writing this book...(more about the idea later)
I have figured out that my first love is learning, and now I have to keep going with that.
On an unrelated note, I'm sorry for being so behind on posts. I still have no computer, so I bum one whenever I get the chance to update.
I'm off for now.
Love, always,
-Buster
Catching up on sleep, checking out things that are close by (Tepotzotlán, la Condesa, etc), and wondering what to do next.
I find myself in a rather difficult position. I've already been accepted as a new teacher by two different schools. At this point I'm just waiting on them to send me the schedule for classes I'll be teaching, and that is now turning into a three week waiting game.
In the meantime, I'm looking into ways to get myself situated here. I'm sort of trapped in a bureaucratic nightmare when it comes to visas, permits, and trying to open a bank account, and now that I have time I'm doing what I can to get this mess organized.
If you'll kindly look back to the first few posts, you'll see that before I came to Mexico, I had dreams of learning Nahuatl, getting involved with humanitarian work, and making myself a better person all-around. While this has been on my mind, it was pushed to the back of my thoughts due to a never-ending work week. Now that I have time, I might as well establish some of these ideas.
Goals:
1) Learn Nahuatl
2) Begin the legwork for starting grad school
3) Begin writing this book...(more about the idea later)
I have figured out that my first love is learning, and now I have to keep going with that.
On an unrelated note, I'm sorry for being so behind on posts. I still have no computer, so I bum one whenever I get the chance to update.
I'm off for now.
Love, always,
-Buster
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