Trying to Put Things into Practice

I meant to include this song yesterday, but since yesterday's and today's entries link, it fits here too.

culture shock? (!)

I think I could possibly be having culture shock. Most people agree that culture shock happens after three months, and this week I'm pulling into month three.

I love my job, and I love this country, but a few things have made me feel a little less than chipper.

I look at my post from yesterday and wonder how I apply that. When people let you down and circumstances are increasingly uncomfortable, what do you do? How do you cope?

How do you avoid letting other people's opinions sway your perception of yourself? How do you learn to be content even when you're alone? How long do you wait to see if things will improve? How long do you hope for someone to notice you?

I'm sorry for the tone of this update, but this is part of it. I've written for years. Most of the things I write sound terrible to me when they first appear and then, years later, make sense to me. I write because I have too many abstract notions going through my head. Sometimes what I say doesn't make any sense, but with age and increased wisdom I finally see what I was getting at.

And so my commitment to myself is to be as candid as possible and hide nothing. How many times have you read something and literally felt what the writer was feeling? Does it happen when people censor those embarrassing thoughts that are killing them? And what's the point of writing something that means nothing to you? What's the point if everything is run through a filter of what is acceptable?

No more. I'm going to share this with you, and it's embarrassing for me. I wrote it in the early part of 2008 (or maybe the later part of 2007), and even though it's not great by any standard, it accomplishes its purpose. I wrote it for a good friend, a new friend, and a potential girlfriend, but also to any new people who would come into my life years later. It's written in English, Spanish, and German because of how much I divide myself between people and places. That's it. Take what you will from it, or leave it alone.

I'm going to do my best to be true to myself. I am Buster W. I lose myself in thoughts and literature. I have doubts, fears, and self-esteem issues. I have a lot of talents and possibly more debilitating weaknesses. And here's something that I thought at one point in my life...

(You can use Google to translate the parts you don't understand, but the lack of understanding is kind of the point. The picture is related to the topic but mostly for comedic relief.)

Incoherent for the most part

Ich wuensche mir, dass du mich ein

fach verstehen koenntest...

Dass du endlich irgendwann da bist, dass du meine Traeume mit mir teilst...

Understand...

y que no me tenga que seguir dividiendo entre

lugares y personas que guardo como tesoros...

que a fin, se unan, que a fin, me pueda sentir completo

Unity...

I can say what I want in sounds that mean absolutely nothing to you

con los tonos fluyentes de otras gentes

oder der deutlichen Stimme der Vernunft.

What matters is that you look beyond my incoherent babble and hear

the groans of my heart

que oigas el clamor de mi ser

die Leidenschaft, die mir tief drinnen steckt

Que nos unamos mas alla que las palabras

Moege wir uns einander ohne Woerter verstehen

May we look into our hearts and embrace that which unites us

The naked humanity that we try to hide

Our passions-our struggles-our dreams

At this point it seems to me

What unites us more than anything are the things that turn our faces red.

The last part sticks with me most. "What unites us more than anything are the things that turn our faces red."

I hope it means something to you.

~Buster

View from the Cúspide Shopping Center at Night

Lomas Verdes, Estado de México