I feel like an old man

Yesterday, I realized some things about myself...

1) I am terrified of heights.
2) If I force myself to do things, eventually they get easier.
3) Overcoming fear doesn't mean losing it, simply confronting it (more of a life lesson than anything)
4) My hair is getting thinner.
5) I need to lose weight...stat

I really enjoyed my trip to the pyramids with Nico and Alex. They are, to say the very least, impressive. The long trip to the top, the breathlessness you feel as you climb the stairs, the fear of standing near the edge of such a structure all attest to the diligence of the Aztecs.

Looking at myself climbing them about 500 years after the last Aztec ascended that tower to worship forced me to take a hard look at myself.

I asked myself, simply, what I am doing in life and where I am going. I asked myself what I am so scared of and why I'm not willing to work hard for myself.

I remember feeling tired. I saw pictures of the person I am and wasn't satisfied. Something has to change.

My friend, Nico, told me I didn't have to ascend the Pyramid of the Moon. It was the steepest one of all, with steps that jutted upward about 1.5 feet with only about 8 inches to plant yourself before moving on to the next step. I knew that I would be terrfied, and there was another woman there who shared my fear.

I seriously considered not climbing, but I also forced myself to try to think clearly. Would I let a fear (borderline phobia) prevent me from this experience? Was it worth the security to stay at the bottom?

I decided it wasn't. I just said, "Hay que superar el miedo," (We have to face our fears) and started climbing.

Descending was another story. I was terrified. I tried to laugh at myself, but I couldn't. Honestly, it took me about 30 minutes to calm myself down after the descent, but as I talked to Nico on the ride back home, I really started thinking.

Everything I excel at is a talent of mine. I've naturally been able to learn languages, naturally been able to sing, naturally been able to talk to people. Most of the things in my life that have taken hard work in my life have been ignored. I've let myself get by on talent alone, even in my university studies.

It is about time I changed that. Today my feet aching with torn open blisters. My ankle hurts from my fall a few weeks ago. I am sunburnt and sick. I feel traumatized at my thinning hair and worried about how things might progress.

I MUST overcome this challenge. I've dreamt big dreams, and my fear and desire for security will only hold me back. I have to do something. If I don't do it now, I never will.

A few plans:

Joining a gym that is next-door to my job.
Doing some tutoring on the side to boost my economic situation.
Taking time to enjoy my days off.
Spending lots of time with friends.
Eating better.

These have to be done. These have to be done. These have to be done.

I need support and prayer.

Thank you.
-Buster